Back from the dead after 3 months:

July 2013

I've been avoiding this blog since June, eh? Well sue me. No, don't really. You won't get much anyway, I promise.

So a lot has changed. The daily drive from Dyersburg to Memphis and back became a bit much, and I broke down and signed a lease on an adorable studio apartment in midtown Memphis late last month. It makes me feel like I'm living in an episode of Sex and the City but with less sex and FAR fewer designer shoes. The house is still sitting pretty in Fowlkes, and the family has decided to leave it empty for the time being. No one really loves the idea of selling it, and it will always be the place I feel most at home. So currently I'm trying to visit often, and Mom and Dad are reaping the rewards from all my hard work on the raised beds full of tomatoes, peppers, eggplant, and squash.

The good news is that I have started losing weight again, and while the scale doesn't always reflect it, I'm starting to look very different in my face and upper body. I'm in an 18/20 or sometimes a 22 depending on the store I'm in. I can find things at Goodwill and just about any retail store which is amazing. I actually walked into Old Navy the other day and bought a pair of size 18 pants. Truthfully, they're still a bit too tight to confidently wear in public, but I took them home anyway. Also, they *may* be hot pink. haha!

August 2013

Also... I've been dating! Nothing has been the right fit so far, but I'm having fun experiencing the world of dating again. It's such an awkward process: awkward conversation and trying not to embarrass myself in public. When is it too early to talk about the fact that I've lost 100 pounds in the last six months? I'm still clumsily finding my way in this whole new arena. What's that they say about kissing a lot of frogs? Challenge, accepted! lol

I've been having some issues with my blood sugar lately - sudden episodes where I need to find something sweet FAST or I pass out. I've always been around people when it's happened, but I'm very scared of it happening when I'm alone. My head gets cloudy, my arms and legs turn to jelly, and all I can think about it ice cream or candy. I try to keep a sleeve of peanut butter crackers in my purse at all times just in case. It's happened a total of 5 or so times, but I even get a bit light-headed after eating a carb heavy meal. It's something I'll have to keep an eye on long-term, I suspect.

The doctor also found some thyroid issues that are the cause for some concern at my yearly appointment in August. Apparently my thyroid is overactive, and they found multiple masses in each side of my throat. They assure me it's most likely nothing, but I have an appointment with an endocrinologist next week to discuss options. It's definitely a post-surgery issue, because if you've EVER been overweight, you know that your thyroid is the first thing that every doctor tries to blame. I never had any thyroid issues pre-surgery though, and my panels have been run a LOT - the last time being about 10 days before surgery and all was normal. I'm hoping for some answers in the coming months, and good vibes are of course appreciated. :)

September 2013

This month I rode a ride at the fair for the first time in 10 years at least. It was just the ferris wheel, but it was fun and liberating. I'm also considering starting the couch to 5k program or maybe crossfit. The next big goal is finding a workout regimen. Ugh. Aso, I dyed my hair bright red last week because I was bored with my lifeless, boring brown hair that looks nothing like its full, thick prior life. That's the biggest con of this surgery so far: the toll it's taken on my hair. Shallow, I know, but real. I miss my old hair!

Things I still can't do: eat bread or pasta or anything gummy, digest any form of milk in any real quantity, drink carbonated beverages, drink anything fast.



Current Weight: 261
Days Since Surgery: 219 (I think)
Total Pounds Lost: 103

I hope to have some BIG earth shatteringly AWESOME news next time I get around to posting here. Look out for big life changes! (And don't worry, I'm not moving again!)

An Update with No Good News:

Okay, truth time. I've been avoiding this blog because I have no good news to report. I haven't lost a pound in almost a month, and I've even gained some. Actually even if I had shed a few in the past few weeks, my scale is somewhere packed in a box that I cannot find. Can you say frustrating? 

I will tell you that the skinny jeans I purchased a month back when my original pants weren't staying on my hips any longer are getting loose. They are no longer skin tight as I like them, but they're still doing the job for now. My shirts aren't fitting any differently, and I can't tell any noticeable changes when I look in the mirror.


I'll admit it: I'm terrified. What if I've completely messed up my surgery? I can eat more than I could in the beginning, but still have trouble with most foods. I've slacked off on my protein shakes, although I'm choking them down recently in hopes that this will help to kick-start my weight loss again. Here's the biggie: I wasn't able to follow up with my surgeon for my 3 month appointment. I moved back to Tennessee the week before I was scheduled, and he wasn't able to fit me in any earlier (shocker). So now I need to find a PCP here so that I can get some advice on what to do next.

So, that's why I've been absent from here for a month. However, I've been busy with other non-weight loss related fun things. I moved home! I'm currently residing in the house I grew up in. It had been empty for quite a while, but I'm having fun unpacking my things and making it my own. It's incredibly comforting to be in a place where I have so many memories. Some are good and some are bad: In this house I spent every weekend of my childhood, learned how to cook alongside my Nanny, spent a year in my room with the door shut after she left me, and held my Pawpaw's hand on the day he joined her. I wasn't able to be here when I made the move to Austin, but with a bit of distance and clarity I'm happy to say that it's exactly where I need to be at this stage in my life.

However, in the months that I've been gone the house hasn't gotten much love. It's just too much of a project for my parents to manage (they have a house and land of their own to take care of just up the street), and although my Aunt is the other owner now, she lives 2 hours away and works way too much to make the trip to the country very often. It was rented out for a few months, which proved to be a mistake, the renters leaving it after a few months and in disrepair. There are 2 storage buildings, a shop, and a detached garage as well as lots of land, the plot where our huge family garden is every year, and the main house with 4 bedrooms and 2 baths. Needless to say, I have a LOT to do. *Editor's Note* I am a lucky girl. There has been a lot done to the house so far. There's a new roof, the mold problem that was found as we were unpacking the house has been addressed, there's new carpet/linoleum, and it's been cleaned. Please don't think I'm suggesting that my Aunt and Dad haven't done a lot already. But that being said, there's so much potential here that it's sometimes easy to forget all the work that's already been invested. :)

I've decided to tackle the yard and flower beds first. With the help of family, I'm going to spend next weekend cleaning up, mowing, and pruning. I'm just hoping I can get this place back to the property I remember as a kid: full of life and love. I'm sure all the work will burn quite a few calories as well, so 2 birds right?

Thanks for sticking with me, friends. I appreciate all your messages and comments. I'll try to be more consistent, I promise.

Current Weight: 280
Days Since Surgery: 109
Pounds Lost: 84? (I have no idea)

Closing in on 100 Pounds Down!

Good gracious, it's been a while. Just over a month to be exact. To be honest, I got pretty frustrated for a while that I wasn't seeing any big changes, and the weight wasn't coming off as fast as I'd liked. Holy moly, has that changed! Over the past week, I came to the point where I absolutely, positively, couldn't put it off another day, had to buy new pants. Did I miss the memo that jeans cost 60 bucks a pair? Apparently so.

So I'm back to wearing pants that don't literally fall off of my body. I even bought a few new dresses that have been a life-saver now that it's Spring in Austin. Thank goodness for Torrid and Old Navy. New hair (bright blonde on the tips), new glasses (which I got for free from firmoo.com just for mentioning them here... they're great by the way!), I'm evolving into a totally new version of me. In fact, I'm going home for the first time since surgery this weekend, and I'm a little scared to see everyone's reactions. I know they'll all be supportive and excited for me, but it's definitely a big change.

I'm still fighting the daily battle with protein, and I have yet to find a multivitamin that I can tolerate (my next victim will be the One a day gummies). I'm so bad with a regime guys, but I HAVE to get it together.

In other news, I've been volunteering at a farmer's market in town. It's a great workout one day each weekend, and I'm meeting lots of new people. Plus, the free organic produce isn't a bad deal either. Just this weekend I froze spinach, kale, and bok choy, pickled radishes, and canned beets and fennel to make sure it all doesn't spoil while I'm out of town this weekend.

I'm turning 30, guys! I'll be honest: I'm a bit scared just because I seem to be in such a different place than most people my age. No kids, no marriage  no savings, and a job that is constantly changing. I think I may wish for a bit more consistency when I blow out the candles this year. A girl can only dream...

Current Weight: 270
Days since surgery: 54
Pounds lost: 94

One day and one pound at a time:

Thank you everyone for all of the support so far. I can't tell you how much your messages, comments, calls, and texts have meant to me. It's so exciting to know that I'm not alone in this journey, and that you're all there following me, some of you even considering taking the same plunge, or on the path to recovery yourselves. Please keep it coming! 

10 days since my last post! Yikes! Sorry about that, folks. I'll be honest: being back at work has been challenging so far, and I've only been there a week. My energy level seems to be stable throughout the day, but the minute I make it home, usually around 6pm, I'm asleep. Then I wake up somewhere late evening, 8pm or sometimes later, and end up having problems sleeping through the night. The cycle repeated until this weekend hit, and I spent the whole of Saturday in bed with "The Cosby Show" and "Friends" reruns. It wasn't so bad, but I wish I'd been able to be more productive. Today was better, however. I spent the breezy, sunny Sunday afternoon with friends drinking beer (them, not me) around a frigid pool, and that was nicer than any fancy Kite Festival that we may or may not have totally failed at attending. Next year, maybe.

On the protein front, I've found a pre-mixed brand that is totally working for me. You can find Premier Protein products at Costco (and maybe Sam's) as well as online. I've only tasted the chocolate version, which really and truly tastes just like chocolate milk. An 11 ounce container has 30 grams of protein, so I've been drinking 2-3 per day. They're easier than the powders since no mixing is required, and they aren't chalky. I'm going to pick up a case of the vanilla version this week, and I'm hoping they taste just as smooth and satisfying. They're also not overly expensive, priced at around 25 bucks for a case of 18. That's not bad at all compared to the pricey powder my surgeon's office wants me to buy. 

Speaking of my surgeon, I think this is where it's time for a vent session. I've been holding back on this topic, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I'm pretty frustrated. So, I went through the office of Dr. Nilesh Patel at Texas Bariatric Specialists based out of San Antonio, Texas. Getting in for my initial appointment was no problem, and Dr. Patel was very nice and seemed to genuinely care about my specific case upon our first meeting. However, my later experiences with his office and staff made me feel like I was a member of a cattle call. I had to take ownership of my case, making sure to schedule my own procedures, call other specialists, and continually call his office to make sure my records were received and the ball was still rolling. Honestly, if I'd sat back and let the office handle everything, I probably wouldn't have even had surgery yet. It's that bad. 

The last time I saw Dr. Patel was the day I was rolled into surgery. There was no follow up with me at the hospital, and when I went for my first post-surgery appointment last Wednesday (2/27/13) he wasn't there. I met with the Nutritionist who was very sweet but only gave me some pamphlets and went over information that I already knew. Thank goodness things are going well so far, because if there was indeed a problem I feel like I'd be relying on my PCP instead of my surgeon. Also, I'm pretty sure they have a deal worked out with a specific brand of Supplements and Protein Powders, because everyone in that office acts like it's the only choice. I'm sort of developing my own routine based on products I can handle, and it's requiring a lot of research online and support from others who've had the same surgery. I wish Dr. Patel's office had more advice to give when it comes to not tolerating the Bariatric Advantage brand (which spoiler alert: tastes like poo). 

My advice is this: if you're planning to have Gastric Bypass or any weight loss surgery for that matter, make sure you pick your surgeon well. Don't go with someone who treats you like just another number or is hard to get in touch with, because it'll just add to your frustration post-op. I feel like I was so excited to have the option of the surgery, that I sacrificed a quality doctor/patient relationship. I hope that the friends and family who are considering the same procedure don't make the same mistake.  

Anyway, moving on from that rant, I've found some specific problems I'm battling during this part of my recovery. First up, cold water. I'm thirsty ALL THE TIME, and it's so tempting to grab an ice cold water from the fridge and chug it down. Bad idea. I repeat: bad idea! My stomach is super sensitive to hot and cold, and when the water hits I immediately start having stomach cramps. Girls, these are a different kind of cramp. Instead of the lower abdominal cramps that I associate with mid-month fun times, these are much higher and I can see where it would be easy to confuse them with chest pains.  They go away after a minute or two, but are still a bugger in the moment. I swear it feels like someone has a fist around my stomach squeezing it. I've experienced the same sort of pains when I've tried foods that had too much starch or when I've eaten more than I should have. 

Secondly, I'm still battling portion control. Thankfully, I've been given the okay to start eating soft foods so I've been experimenting over the past week. My fridge is packed with sugar free pudding, string cheese, lunch meat, and other protein packed odds and ends. The problem becomes when ordering out. I'm still working on not letting my "eyes overload my stomach" as my grandmother used to say. It's a strange place to be in really, because it's almost a waste to order anything at all. I have a big feeling that the kids menu is going to become my best friend at most places. 

However, there are LOTS of positives I'm beginning to see. One of the most apparent is all the money I'm saving. Granted, it'll be put toward medical bills and protein shakes (which are surprisingly expensive), but it's nice not to be embarrassed at my monthly bank statement with the daily charges to fast-food and grocery stores. 

And the biggest positive so far, as cheesy as this sounds, is that I feel prettier and healthier. I haven't lost a huge amount of weight, but my face is leaner as is my waistline. I need to invest in a belt, that's for sure. I can walk across a room without feeling winded, and my breathing issues are not as apparent as they were pre-op. My blood pressure has evened out, and I was taken off all of my meds before even releasing from the hospital. Even with all the changes of adjusting to this way of life, I just plain feel better, and that was the goal all along, right? 

Cravings this week: drinking with friends, sausage pizza, sandwiches of all shapes and sizes, and bread!

Days Since Surgery: 20
Current Weight: 328
Total Pounds Lost: 22

A Few More Days Off Work, and Some Helpful Hints:

The word that best describes the last few days is: frustration.

Throughout this process, I've had a plan. Surgery on Monday, a week to recover, and back to work the following Monday. If you know me at all, you know that I have often been described as a workaholic, especially since my move to Austin. I work in a high-stress, high-energy environment that requires me to be "on my game" at all times. I'm constantly answering phones, filling shifts, and playing therapist to families and nurses all while penny-pinching. I love it. The days go by quickly for the most part, and more times than not I really feel like I'm making a difference.

I happily went back to work on Monday of this week. However, I was exhausted before I made it to  lunch. Even getting ready that morning was tiring. I was surprised that I had to take breaks as I made my way through my morning routine, eventually making me late on my first day back. By noon, I had to ask to leave. I came home and slept the rest of the afternoon, waking up for about an hour that evening to drink a shake and check my email. I gave it another shot on Tuesday, but things ended the same way. This time, I decided to be honest with myself: I was just not ready. I submitted my PTO for the rest of the week, and left feeling exhausted and defeated.

So, on to my current mission: finding a protein powder that doesn't make me want to barf and allows me to keep up my energy throughout the day. I've had recommendations for one brand at Costco, and another at Whole Foods. I'm planning to borrow a friend's Costco card this weekend to check them both out, and I'll report back once I have more info. Getting my protein intake under control has to be the key to boosting my energy level and stamina. My goal is to get this sorted out during these days off, so that Monday will be doable. Wish me luck, because I HAVE to get back to work. My coworkers are picking up my slack while I'm away, but it's a big time for our team, and I feel overwhelmingly guilty for not being there.

I promise that I'm trying to be positive. The good news is that physically I'm about 95% with no incision pain or nausea. I'm still battling some aches and pains, but I think it's gas related. Sleeping is much easier these days, and I'm finally able to rest on my stomach again. Thank goodness!  There are also a few things that have really been helpful during my recovery period, and I want to share some of them with you.

First, there's Pinterest. I know this sounds crazy, but I've been pinning the heck out of some food. Some have said that I'm just torturing myself, but actually it's been pretty satisfying for me. I'm not really hungry, so my hunger pains have been quelled by reading through recipes that I find particularly mouth-watering, and saving them for later when I have the ability to actually taste them. It's been like therapy almost, and even though I don't know how healthy the process really is, I'd recommend it either way. There are some great protein ideas out there as well, some that I would have never thought of. I've been able to find some alternative foods that I hope will very soon replace my shake regime. I'd venture to guess that I'm not the only one who finds this site useful, because there's a plethora of Gastric bypass resources out there as well including recipes, blogs, and success stories.


Next, Gas-X thin strips have been a life-saver! After surgery, they told me that I needed to walk to work the excess gas out of my system. Being the overachiever that I am, when they told me to walk for 20 minutes, I did 2 laps around the outside of the hospital. Hey, it was a nice day! Gas-X helps me in my everyday life when walking that much may not be an option. They dissolve on your tongue (which is great since I'm having a bit of trouble swallowing pills), and they don't taste terrible. In fact, they even freshen your breath at the same time, so they double as a breath mint! Over the past few days I've had some shoulder pain, and I've found that two strips plus a dose of Tylenol helps big time. This is a must-have for anyone having surgery, in my humble opinion.



The last one is a bit sentimental, I know, but since yesterday was National Love Your Pet Day (I don't even know if that's a real thing, but Facebook said yes, so it must be true) I have to tell you that having my dogs here to snuggle up with has been fabulous. As a single girl living alone, I feel much better with Wally and Penny here to have my back. They know when I'm not feeling well, and they're being extra sweet. Especially since my parents went back to Tennessee, I don't know what I'd do without them.

Anyways, I'm off. I hope you all are doing well. I've had so many messages and emails about friends who have had, are scheduled to have, or are considering bariatric surgery. Ladies, please don't ever be embarrassed of your goals. We'll get through this together! Keep me updated, and I'll keep you updated as well.

Days Since Surgery: 10
Current Weight: 333
Total Pounds Lost: 17

Sh*! is Getting Real:

Note to self: calling something a "cake walk" is just asking for trouble.

I'm just about a full week out, and while I'm healing beautifully, I am incredibly frustrated. First, on the outside I am just about back to normal. The glue has come off 5 of my seven surgical sites, and I'm moving around just fine. My parents went home to Tennessee on Saturday morning, and I was even able to go out for a pedicure with a friend that afternoon. However, my inside is obviously not as far along in the healing process as my outside. I can still feel every ounce of food or liquid that I take in, and my chest aches with every. single. swallow.

Now for the part of the entry where Holly makes all the wrong decisions: I got a bit big for my britches on Saturday afternoon when I got home. I had choked down a protein shake that morning, and was doing great with my fluid intake. I'd even managed to take most of my supplements for the day, so I got ahead of myself. I had some potato soup in the cabinet that looked delicious, and without fully thinking it through I popped it open and heated it up. Now looking back, this was a terrible decision and just about the worst food I could have picked. White potatoes in a thick cream sauce? I deserved to pay for that poor judgement. But it was RIGHT THERE, and contained BACON, and I had had nothing solid in almost 6 days.  I obviously wasn't thinking clearly.

It started out fine, and I felt sure things were going to be just great until about half way in. I dropped my spoon, felt my heart start to race, and broke out in a sweat. I immediately reached for some water and made my way to the bed where I immediately called my mom. Bless her heart, she talked me through the whole ordeal and didn't even laugh once. We decided that no, the choice of a pure starch first meal was not the smartest, and that I'd probably been so excited that I ate way too fast. In my defense, I  thought that I'd surely feel when I needed to stop, but I have to learn my own body's signs and that's taking me some time.

I actually spent the rest of Saturday in bed, and didn't feel quite "okay" until Sunday afternoon, wherein of course I decided to make another questionable choice. Dang-it  you guys, I'm so over liquids, and if you mention another protein shake to me I may just throw it at your head. I'm so hungry! Well, that's not true, I just miss food. Anyways, I tried to eat a scrambled egg on Sunday, and naturally, that didn't go well either. I got about three bites down and my stomach abruptly said "NO!". I listened this time, even though that was a great egg. Maybe the best I'd ever had. The after effects weren't as bad as the day before, but my stomach definitely ached for the next few hours, and I went back to bed. I can't keep going through this silly cycle, so I'm just going to suck it up and stick to water/broth/shakes until my first post-op appointment at least. That's scheduled for Wednesday morning, so it's not too long to wait, and I'm not getting my hopes up. If I'm still having this much trouble with anything solid, he'll most likely keep me on liquids for a while longer. Fine.

Have you guys seen that new fried fish sandwich from Wendy's? I'd like that in my mouth immediately. Sigh. Yes, my actual surgery was "cake", but the rest of this is harder than I ever imagined it would be. The good news is I'm heading back to work tomorrow. Thank goodness! I hope that these phantom cravings will subside or at least pretend to be under control while my mind is focused on other things. My goal is to make it a full day, but I may be looking at half-days at first. We shall see!

Days since Surgery: 6
Current Weight: 339
Total Pounds Lost: 11

And So It Begins:

Hi! I'm Holly! I'm a 29 year old single, workaholic gal living in Austin, Texas. I've had five or so blogs over the past ten years, so I'm hoping this one sticks. It's nice to have a place to archive the important things in life, the great days, and even the things that don't work out so well.

A little about me... I'm a self-diagnosed drama queen who claims to hate drama. I love fashion and beauty/style magazines and blogs, but I rarely wake up in time to make any magic happen in the mornings. I work far too many hours at a job that I unfortunately love, and see myself working my way up the corporate ladder in years to come, which is surprising for a girl with an art degree and a background in teaching. Also I use a lot of commas. You'll all just have to get used to this.

And of course there is one other thing... on February 11, 2013 I had gastric bypass surgery. Way to bury the lead, Holly. I'm about five days out at this point and to be honest, so far it's been a cake walk (did someone say cake?). Admittedly I probably didn't do as much planning beforehand as I should have. My mom came to take care of me (a 12 hour journey from Tennessee to Texas), and not only is she a nurse, but she had her own weight loss surgery about a year ago so she was definitely the best person to have around. Plus you know, she's my mom, and when you're going through major surgery you kind of want your mommy.

So right now I'm tackling what all bariatric surgery patients do: the gross protein shakes, the chew-able supplements that are required and also taste like a mixture of sawdust and bathroom cleaner, and trying to feign excitement over the clear liquid diet that I can enjoy for the next two weeks. You know those people who say that after surgery they don't want food at all? The ones who are nauseated by the mere smell of foods they once loved? I am not one of those people, people. My parents have been lovely: sneaking out to meals while I'm resting and not bringing back leftovers, but it's no use. I have the pains for food, even though I am not hungry at all. I even make them describe their dinners to me. It's bad, folks. I've been doing great so far, focusing on my shakes and supplements, but it's amazing when you begin to realize just how much of your life revolves around food. It's sad really.

I'll keep this site updated with my journey because I think it's a good resource to hear from a real person going through the process. Have I mentioned I've already started bookmarking cutesy/cheap clothes from online boutiques that I plan to have in my closet ASAP? Yes that will happen soon, and you'll be part of it, don't you worry. However for now I'm going to go take a dose of pain meds so that I pass out instead of looking at cinnamon roll recipes on Pinterest. Don't judge me, guys. One day at a time.

Weight before Surgery: 350
Days Since Surgery: 5
Current Weight: 342